hotel room ftw
My first STD was from a foam party
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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