can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
