apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
