"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
