people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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