I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
3 2 1 whiskey
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!