I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.