Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
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We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't deserve a penis
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.