She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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