he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.