More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.