When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
