White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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