I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
