I wannas sexs uuuuu
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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