I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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