just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
