I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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