You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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