I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
