I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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