I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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