he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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