he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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