i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
