are you still at the devil's house?
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
