we have pet lesbian snakes
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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