alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
