Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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