Don't make out with my wife yet
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
