He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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