So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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