I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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