i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize