It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
