dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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