walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
