You just made me feel so damn special
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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