i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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