i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
