I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
