Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
