dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
