Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She just used a chaser for red wine.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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