**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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