So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
