i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
