AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
