Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
