I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
