nut hugger
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
