You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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