I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
