Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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