I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
