I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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