She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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