glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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