Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They took my balls.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
