yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
