remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
