Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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