It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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