Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
