looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
