i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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