woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
