dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
