You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
