i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
now i know why i became what i already was.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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