You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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