He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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