What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
