Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you will always have a special place in my vag
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
