Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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