I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
