if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize