this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
