how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Houston, we have a blender
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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