because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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