ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
