I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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